Popo!
by Sariel V
Summary: The wonderbug that does wonders... if anyone would ever try it. - New commercial 11/8/01, newest update was just to fix the formatting.
1. Popo: Strong enough for a Dragoon.. and ...

POPO - Commercial 1 _All characters (C) Square except as noted._  
  


# We'll be back after these messages!

  


* * *

  
  
Larc: *stands menacingly* AAHHRR!!  
  
Sierra: There's one evil powerful enough to stop even a valiant dragoon dead in his tracks!  
  
Larc: *throws back his head in a wicked laugh* Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha--ha---ah CHOO!  
  
Sierra: The common cold!  
  
_cut to bedroom. Larc is in bed with a thermometer in his mouth_  
  
Sierra: So if you've been felled by an illness worse than a curse from the three Great Dragons -  
  
Larc: Four! *cough*  
  
Sierra: there's only one remedy fit for the quest. Popo!  
  
Larc: Popo?  
  
Sierra: *producing popo bug* The coughing, aching, wheezing, sneezing, tickles the back of your throat on the way down so you can harf up that virus medicine!  
  
Larc: *leaps from bed* I'm cured! I'm in perfect health! *cough* Keep that thing away from me!  
  
Announcer: Popo! If you see it a second time, you know it worked!  
  
  
  
_Announcer created by Dom`ny Mortis_


	2. Popo: The multipurpose Wonderbug!

POPO - Commercial 2 _All characters (C) Square except as noted._  
  


# We'll return to Legend of Mana in just a minute!

  


* * *

  
  
Rubens: *sighs sadly* Diana, my love, what has become of you?  
  
Sierra: *stepping up* Having a problem with petrification?  
  
Rubens: I'm afraid so, Miss Dragoon. Diana has become a statue.  
  
Sierra: No need to be so glum, chum. I have the perfect solution! Popo!  
  
Rubens: Popo?  
  
Pelican: *popping in* The no-frigidity, de-rigidity, getcha-fidgety, heaven-forbidity medicine!  
  
Sierra: *groan*  
  
Rubens: But she's a statue! Her mouth isn't even open. She couldn't swallow that thing if she wanted to.  
  
Sierra: For this application, we recommend external use.  
  
Rubens: Huh?  
  
Sierra: *sticks bug on Diana's neck* Watch!  
  
Diana: *destones **_IMMEDIATELY_*** **AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!**  
  
Rubens: *eyes shining* Diana, you're all right!  
  
Diana: **GET IT OFFA ME! AAAAIIIIEEE!!!!**  
  
Sierra: Popo is so effective, it'll even move a Jumi to tears!  
  
Diana: **SIERRA, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!**  
  
Rubens: Thank you, Popo!  
  
  


* * *

  
  
_OUTTAKE_  
  
Pelican: *popping in* The no frigidiby, de fribid- *groan* Who writes this stuff for me?  
  
Rubens: *sings* - but many times we're given rhymes that are quite un-sing-able!  
  



	3. Popo: Sierra signs off.

POPO - Commercial 3 _All characters (C) Square except as noted._  
  


# Brought to you by...!

  


* * *

  
  
_Scene: Anteroom of the Leires Tower. The room itself is devoid of light sources, but the multicolored glow of a scorpion-like monster illuminates the old and crumbling walls. Elazul is stretched out bleeding on the floor. Maia is being tossed about like a rag doll in a hurricane, little more than a chew toy for the Jewel Beast. Sandra, not visible, is certain to be lurking somewhere nearby. Pearl is cowering fearfully behind a pillar._  
  
Pearl: Come on, guys! Get up! Please!  
  
_Maia sails in a perfect parabolic arc, smacking her head on a pillar at the far end of the room, and goes out like a light._  
  
Elazul: D-d-d-dammit! My core is still whole!  
  
_Elazul makes a brave shaky effort to stand. The Jewel Beast turns and plants its jaws, readying its Drill Bit attack._  
  
Pearl: **LOOK OUT!**  
  
_Elazul barely escapes being shredded but is thrown far away by the spewing flagstones. He doesn't move._  
  
Pearl: *covering face* What am I going to do?  
  
Sierra: *scampers in through the entrance, neatly ducking a snapping jaw* All is not lost yet!  
  
Pearl: Sierra! Please, we need help!  
  
Sierra: And I've got just the thing! New Popo!  
  
Jewel Beast: *stops in mid-lunge, dumbstruck*  
  
Pearl: Oh, Goddess! **YOU'RE** the Bug Drug Shill! We don't need -  
  
Sierra: *produces a bug on a leaf and sticks it in Pearl's face* With Ginseng!  
  
_FLASH_  
  
**_*WHAM*_**  
  
Sierra: HEY!  
  
Blackpearl: Soulreaver! *disgustedly peels a leaf and flattened popo off her weapon* Kills bugs. Dead!  
  
Sierra: I guess Popo even solved this problem...  
  
Blackpearl: Now to rid the world of this evil once and for all!  
  
Jewel Beast: *rears back in a defensive crouch*  
  
Sierra: Go get 'im, Tiger!  
  
**_*WHACK*_**  
  
Blackpearl: And now for that Jewel Beast!  
  
Announcer: Popo! The threat is cure enough!  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
_STINGER_  
  
Sierra: *peeling out of a Dragoon-shaped hole in the wall* nnngggggggnnhh.... I'm OUT of the endorsement business!  
  
  
  
  
_Announcer created by Dom`ny Mortis. Maia created by Dom`ny Mortis, based on concepts by Square. All rights reserved._


	4. Popo: Kristie tells it like it is.

Kristie Tells It Like It Is _All characters (C) Square except as noted._  
  
STICK AROUND! More LoM in just a few moments!   


* * *

  
  
Niccolo: I've returned with the final dose of your medicine. If you'll just pay the required charge, it can be all yours.  
  
Kristie: But... but I don't have ten billion lucre!  
  
Niccolo: That's too bad. I'm sorry that you feel there's a price tag on your life.  
  
Sotherbee: Onwy because you put it there, you despicable gweedy monster!  
  
Nicollo: Have a care, Mushmouth!  
  
Kristie: Surely you'd consider something else for payment?  
  
Nicollo: Hmmm... I have it! Sign over the deed to your gallery to me, and I'll gladly give you the medicine!  
  
Sotherbee: Madam!  
  
Kristie: My gallery!? I... I'd die first!  
  
Niccolo: Be reasonable!  
  
Voice from Above: Hold on one second!  
  
Sandra descends from the ceiling on her zip line, holding on to Sierra.  
  
Sandra: You owe me, puff dragoon.  
  
Sierra: Yeah, yeah. *hands over 20 lucre*  
  
Sandra: And go on a diet, will ya? *Hops the line and rises out of sight*  
  
Sierra: You don't have to give up the deed to the plantation -  
  
Niccolo: Gallery.  
  
Sierra: Whatever. I've got a remedy that will have you back on your feet in no time!  
  
Sotherbee: Madam does not have feet!  
  
Sierra: Work with me here!  
  
Niccolo: *scowling* Don't listen to this vile charlatan!  
  
Kristie: You'd prefer I'd listen to the other one?  
  
Niccolo: Ye- err... waitaminnit.  
  
Kristie: What is your cure?  
  
Sierra: *producing bug* New Popo!  
  
Niccolo: *ears perking* Popo?  
  
Sotherbee: *cringing* Popo?  
  
Sierra: In a free trial size!  
  
Kristie: *eyeing bug* What am I supposed to do with that?  
  
Sierra: Take two a day with lots of water and honey.  
  
Tense moments pass  
  
Kristie: Give me the deed.  
  
Sierra: What!?  
  
Kristie: I said give me the deed! Some things are worse than death!!  
  
Sotherbee: Yes, Madam!  
  
Sierra: But -  
  
Kristie: I'd sooner die, or sign my life's dreams away to that rabbit-eared devil, than eat that... that... that INSECT!  
  
Niccolo: You've made the right choice!  
  
Kristie: Shut up, before I decide to take the business with me!  
  
Sierra: But what about the Popo?  
  
Niccolo: *snatch* You did say FREE, right?  
  
***CRUNCH***  
  
Niccolo: Mmmmm... tastes like Greenballs!  
  
Sierra: Eewwwwwww...  
  
**Announcer: Popo! You can't give it away!**  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
STINGER:  
Outside  
  
Sierra: Remember, half of this is mine!  
  
Niccolo: Pleasure doing business with you!  
  
  
  
_Announcer created by Dom`ny Mortis_


End file.
